Looking Back

I recently came across the new show on A&E called "Obsessed." It's a documentary-type show about individuals who suffer from severe forms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and their journey of going into therapy and getting better from it. Each week there are two different people with different OCD issues.

So, while I was watching this show it made me look back on my life and the times in my life, specifically when I was quite young (elementary school through junior high) and my OCD was unbearable. There were moments when I literally could not function--not even walk, because I was so anxiety-ridden. There were other times when it took me forever to get ready for bed because I had so many rituals and certain prayers I had to say otherwise I feared my family or myself would die or be hurt and it would be all my fault. So much anxiety and fear for a little girl. A lot of this I kept as secret as I could because I was embarrassed about the "worries" as I thought they were. I remember how torturous it was to take out the dishes from the dishwasher--specifically touching the dinner knives, because I was afraid I would "lose control" and start killing everyone. It sounds silly now--I mean, at the time of that particular worry I was maybe 9 or 10 years old.

I remember the day my mom saw a psychologist/author on t.v. promoting her book about anxiety disorders, one of them being OCD. My mom immediately bought that book and we learned that I wasn't crazy--that it was a specific anxiety disorder that could bet treated. That was the first step into my getting better--I would eventually go to a therapist and get some medicine that was almost a miracle to me. I felt so much better.

Now, as an adult, I have years of books, therapy and learning under my belt. I really understand what OCD is, what caused mine and most importantly, how to deal with it.

I feel so blessed that I am a happy and functional adult. My OCD is mild now, although still there, but when I have unnerving thoughts caused by my OCD or compulsions, I know how to deal with them, confront them, and move on. It is so empowering to know how to do that.

Anyway, watching this show, and these individuals getting better, makes me want to be a part of that process of others suffering how I did. This is just one more push in the direction of becoming a therapist. It's still up in the air for me, but I feel more and more inclined to get my MA in Counseling Psychology after I finally finish my Undergrad next year. It's possible I will change my mind *again* but I really feel this might be the right career path for me.

This may be shocking to some people that I am so open about my OCD, but I think by talking about things it allows room for further understanding and healing--for myself and others. I don't think it's something to be ashamed of. After all, 3.5 MILLION Americans have OCD. I'm obviously, not alone in this.

And for those who want to learn more about OCD and ways of getting help you can go to this website.

So, that's my story....well part of it at least ;) I am so grateful for my journey and how far I've come.