On New Footing

So, I have been elusive where blogging is concerned.  But, I finally feel prompted to write something---so here we go.

Where to start?  Man, this past month has been a journey.   The end of February, I was quickly going down the stairs to work, in my platform snow boots, which I've worn a ZILLION times before, and I tripped (hands were full with my gym bag and purse) and tumbled--breaking my ankle on the way down.  By some miracle I hobbled to the bus stop a few blocks away and made it into the office. Since I got rid of my car years ago in lieu of saving $$ while in school--I had no choice.  I knew if I could make it into the office I could have someone take me to urgent care.  I made it into the office, hobbled into my boss's office and burst into tears.  He kindly offered to take me to urgent care---one hour later, I emerged with a new stylish boot cast (haha) and some crutches to go with it.

I saw a specialist that afternoon and was told I would be on crutches for a month and the boot cast for 6 weeks total.  At this point, I was in shock, but once I got home that afternoon I burst into sobs.  I was completely floored---I felt devastated.  How was I supposed to get to work?  It was a lot of effort to get across the room in crutches, let alone 3 blocks--How was I going to take out my trash?  How would I walk my dog?  OMG--how was I supposed to get to school?  I took a bus and the lightrail and then walked three city blocks to class---How was I going to do *anything*.    I decided to take a hot bath to try and relax---which led to more sobbing.  What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to handle this?  I felt very alone.

After a weekend of moping and hopping around the house (I had to hop on one leg in cases where I couldn't use my crutches--I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but hey, you do what you gotta do).  I came out of the fog--as of that Friday, one of my amazing co-worker friends had put together a sign-up sheet for rides for me to/from the office until I was off crutches.  I was so relieved---and SOOOO grateful.  So, okay, things were going to be okay.

Energetically speaking, I was forced to receive and ask---something I have not been able to do well---so in a way, it was an odd blessing--I had to ask EVERYONE for help.  I was surprised by complete strangers who helped me--one woman at school, I didn't even know, took me to Walgreens to pick up some things for my crutches (padding and such) and then took me home.  Wow, I was blown away at the kindness.

I was also surprised and in some cases,to find that people one *would* expect to help in such situations were totally MIA or not very helpful if downright inconsiderate.  So, that was interesting as well.

But most of all, I have been floored by the kindnesses shown to me.  I mean, my brother Patrick picked me up from Denver, took me to his home outside Longmont, to do my laundry since I couldn't do that on my own.  Then he drove me to school back in Denver that afternoon.  Thanks again Patrick & Lyndsey!

So, I'm at the tail end of the crutches stage---as of tomorrow I can walk in just my cast boot thing.  Thank GOD.  I even have a second date with a guy---the same guy I was supposed to go out with a month ago when I broke my ankle.  He has been VERY anxious to see me again---which is sweet--no expectations for me, though.  I've decided to try and let that go.

The funny thing is, after breaking my ankle, I have had a gazillion emails again on Match as well as more clients calling for Reiki --it's as if I'm so open to receiving that everything is flowing in.

Some other great news---I got another scholarship for this next quarter at DU and I have an interview for another scholarship this Saturday!  So, blessings find a way in, if you let them.

Overall, this whole experience has been a blessing in disguise---a very good disguise.  I've realized I am not alone--and that in times of sorrow and sadness--there is always a flip side--a bright side.

Thank you again to all those who have been so kind to me recently and really stepped up to the plate.

I'm looking forward to more mobility  and to be able to exercise in the gym--and most especially, to wear matching shoes again---with high heels.

N

Quote

"All strong souls first go to hell before they do the healing of the world they came here for. If we are lucky, we return to help those still trapped below."

~Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Valentine's Day---blah blah blah

Well, it's Valentine's Day --or I guess, Valentine's Evening now.  It has been uneventful.  The thing is, that's okay.  I was lying in bed this morning thinking about all this and had a realization:  I would rather spend many a "lonely" Valentine's Day than spend it with the wrong guy...(which I've done, too...but that feels like lifetimes ago...but anyway).  I mean, yeah, it sucks not getting the flowers or chocolates or card or *whatever.* 

However, if being alone on Valentine's Day means that I'm making myself available for the right guy by not being with the wrong guy, well, I can do that. I feel like the Universe is teaching me PATIENCE.  Which is annoying, but hey, it is what it is.

In truth, I did receive some V-Day wishes from a few guys--both of which would love to date me; however, they aren't right for me...so I'm keeping them as friends.  

Today was a pretty good day by all accounts anyway---I slept in, made a scrumptious breakfast (organic french toast with real maple syrup anyone?), meditated for an hour, watched a fun, girlie-movie, took a nap and then wrote two essays for some scholarships.  A good day overall.  

Back to the V-day nonsense:  Of course I want to be in love and have that returned, but sometimes you just have to trust--and so that's what I'm doing.  And, I'm full of hope---to the brim actually.  Life really keeps getting more real, and true and lovely--with a few bumps here and there---but the path remains the same. 

However, since it is a lovey-dovey day, here is my FAVORITE Shakespearan Sonnet-- Enjoy!

Sonnet 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

January--a recap!

Phew!  There is something about January--the very deepest part of winter (on this side of the hemisphere anyway) that really affects soooo many.  In January I had several Reiki clients --probably for this very reason.

January really seems to trigger us.  From what I have learned in some spiritual classes I've taken--the reason for this is because when there are fewer hours of light outside we tend to turn inward or "inside"--and therefore inward "stuff" gets stirred up.  However, the truth is--this is a GOOD thing.  If we don't feel it--we can't heal it and move on.  It's better to sit with that uncomfortableness of feeling pain, hurt, confusion, etc. so that it can be addressed and looked at than it is to let it simmer in our spirits and drive our current realities.

But I digress...

So, January--wow.  Let's just say I experienced periods of growth and pain that I would not have been capable of sitting with before.  Looking at myself- my life, just a few months ago even--I see a different person.  I have grown so much, and for that, I feel truly, TRULY blessed.  It was definitely not a comfortable experience, but it was do-able, and so here I am.   A bit lighter, a bit brighter, a bit happier.

Just a few things that happened in January (the good, the bad and the other):

• Moved to a new apartment (am SOOOO happy about this one) in downtown Denver.
• Passed a kidney stone
• Had an ovarian cyst burst (I realize this might be TMI--but whatever--it was REALLY painful!)
• Taught my first Reiki II class--it was awesome, albeit draining....
• Took a 30 day meditation course (meditating an hour a day--with the guidance of a teacher--6 days a week--it wrapped up last Friday)  One word:  Remarkable.  Meditation will CHANGE YOUR LIFE for the better!
• Had numerous instances where my intuition proved to be totally correct
• Started a new quarter at DU as a Senior!
• Got below my goal weight--(by just a few pounds--don't worry, I'm still quite healthy and feel great!)
• Had my three year "b-day" (I'm not going to explain this--if you know me, you know what this is about--see previous blog post for more info on that one)
• Sold my treadmill (Beau is now relegated to regular doggie walks--now that we're in an actual neighborhood it's feasible again)
• Received a 100% on my goals at work= received my full quarterly bonus

Pretty crazy month!   I'm happy to be in February, but looking back at this list; I am full of gratitude for these experiences.  Even the uncomfortable ones because it makes me that much more grateful for the beautiful, blissful, glee-filled moments.

And, when you stay present, these feelings really do exist!  I have learned, through my meditation course, that when you stay present--focusing on being in THIS moment-- not yesterday or tomorrow or even 5 minutes from now--but *this* very moment --you have the ability to feel elated, giddy, blissful.  It's real, it's there---and how cool is that?  So--here is to MANY more of those moments. 

N.

Today--

Three years ago today---everything got much, much better in my life.

Thank you to everyone who has supported (and continues to do so) on my journey.  Life is good and just getting better.

 Oh,  and in other news....
..I'm OFFICIALLY a senior at DU now!  Yay! The end is in sight.  However, upon telling Matt (my younger bro) this news he said, "So what?  I was a senior for four years"

Touche, Matt, Touche.

In all fairness, though, he graduated from UW with TWO degrees--not two majors--two SEPERATE degrees.  Seeing as I'm just getting the one (for now...Masters comes next)---I think I can get out of school in the next 1.5 years or less....

Career wise--I'm leaning towards pursuing a career as an occupational therapist or a psychotherapist....we shall see....

Be well,

N.