Looking Back

I recently came across the new show on A&E called "Obsessed." It's a documentary-type show about individuals who suffer from severe forms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and their journey of going into therapy and getting better from it. Each week there are two different people with different OCD issues.

So, while I was watching this show it made me look back on my life and the times in my life, specifically when I was quite young (elementary school through junior high) and my OCD was unbearable. There were moments when I literally could not function--not even walk, because I was so anxiety-ridden. There were other times when it took me forever to get ready for bed because I had so many rituals and certain prayers I had to say otherwise I feared my family or myself would die or be hurt and it would be all my fault. So much anxiety and fear for a little girl. A lot of this I kept as secret as I could because I was embarrassed about the "worries" as I thought they were. I remember how torturous it was to take out the dishes from the dishwasher--specifically touching the dinner knives, because I was afraid I would "lose control" and start killing everyone. It sounds silly now--I mean, at the time of that particular worry I was maybe 9 or 10 years old.

I remember the day my mom saw a psychologist/author on t.v. promoting her book about anxiety disorders, one of them being OCD. My mom immediately bought that book and we learned that I wasn't crazy--that it was a specific anxiety disorder that could bet treated. That was the first step into my getting better--I would eventually go to a therapist and get some medicine that was almost a miracle to me. I felt so much better.

Now, as an adult, I have years of books, therapy and learning under my belt. I really understand what OCD is, what caused mine and most importantly, how to deal with it.

I feel so blessed that I am a happy and functional adult. My OCD is mild now, although still there, but when I have unnerving thoughts caused by my OCD or compulsions, I know how to deal with them, confront them, and move on. It is so empowering to know how to do that.

Anyway, watching this show, and these individuals getting better, makes me want to be a part of that process of others suffering how I did. This is just one more push in the direction of becoming a therapist. It's still up in the air for me, but I feel more and more inclined to get my MA in Counseling Psychology after I finally finish my Undergrad next year. It's possible I will change my mind *again* but I really feel this might be the right career path for me.

This may be shocking to some people that I am so open about my OCD, but I think by talking about things it allows room for further understanding and healing--for myself and others. I don't think it's something to be ashamed of. After all, 3.5 MILLION Americans have OCD. I'm obviously, not alone in this.

And for those who want to learn more about OCD and ways of getting help you can go to this website.

So, that's my story....well part of it at least ;) I am so grateful for my journey and how far I've come.

A doting "Mother"

Okay, okay, so, he's just a dog. But he's my dog, and until I have kids, my child of er sorts. So, being the silly mama that I am, I had to get some cute pics of him and a little video. He is darling with his little tail constantly wagging...:) Warning, though, trying to film and play ball with the little guy was not easy...therefore the footage is "bouncy" --kinda "Blair Witch Project"-esque--and the light started out good then disappeared.

Beau is crazy about tennis balls. Crazy! He's also very good at ferreting around and under things...including my couch with has very little room underneath it. So, I had to show a quick video of him running after the ball and getting on his belly to get the ball from under the couch. I realize this post is probably boring to most, but hey, whatever, this is my blog after all ;-)

Old & New

So, I "inherited" my digital camera from my baby brother, "Bubba" (Matt) last year and he had all these pictures on there from his trip to NYC and CT to visit my sisters and their families. Instead of deleting them, and being the great sister that I am, I copied them all and emailed them to him. However, there were a few I wanted to post.


Picture of somewhere in NY or CT--I'm guessing maybe Central Park (nice, pic, Matt, btw!)



Bubba on a ship...hmmm..maybe they went on a road trip to RI or Boston?



Again, with the ship theme---this is Matt and our nephew Lukas



Good pic of the ship



A philosophical picture--a picture of my sister Kristen taking a picture of my brother taking a picture of her, etc.



And some pics of the nephew, Lukas and niece, Mary--I doubt Mary will appreciate these since she has her glasses on, but we all know she is lovely in spite of it.

the elephant journal

First off, I am very grateful that this is a short work week. My office has July 3rd off for the holiday and today (Thursday) we only have to work till 3 PM--so yay for that!

Well, I have approached an editor of an online magazine/blog called elephantjournal.com that focuses on holistic news, yoga, non-new-agey spirituality, the environment, etc. with an idea for an article on Reiki--and low and behold, they have accepted my proposal!

So, now I actually have to write the thing.

I've been playing with ideas for days and have written down starts and pieces of the article, but have been having a rough time to make things flow (the irony here being that Reiki is a form of energy that easily flows, without effort, but I digress).

This article is a big opportunity for my little Reiki business because it's essentially a free advertisement to a large group of people who are like-minded. Therefore it's important to write a helpful, well-written and informative article that sheds light on Reiki and its benefits without sounding like a long advertisement.

At the end of the article they will post my website, email and picture so I think that is advertisement enough--so I want the article to just be clean and full of useful information, not a bunch of self-promotion.

This weekend, with extra time on my hands, I hope to get the article squared away and have a few friends read/proof it before I submit it.

I am really excited and thankful for a fabulous and *free* marketing opportunity but a little nervous about putting the article together.

Anyway, any ideas or angles on this would be great--since most of my friends and family don't know much about Reiki, I would be interested in knowing what kind of informative article on Reiki would interest them? What to focus on?

In other news...little Bo-Bo is going to be my other focus this long weekend because we're starting from almost square one on the housebreaking. Long story on this one...but carpet feels so much like his puppy pads and grass that he seems to think anywhere there is carpet it means he can pee! So, I will be focusing on fixing that incorrect belief. But, he's still adorable.

Yes, I am that girl--the single chick who is in love with her dog. So what? It makes me laugh, actually, because I always thought I would be married by my early twenties, well, God had other plans, and so in the meantime I have my own little family of two animals (cat and dog) But, like I've said so many times before: that's all. I will not be the crazy animal lady with all the animals.

There will be lots of time for a husband and a family, but *after* I get my degree...so I'm enjoying life for what it is now. After all, that is all there really is...tomorrow never comes, actually, it's only today. "Now is your only place of power."

Very philosophical, I know.

The elusive Kong Time

Months ago I came across this *fabulous* invention created by the makers of Kongs (those indestructible doggie toys that you put treats in)--a Kong Time. Well, I kept the idea of buying one on the back burner. Since I now live nearly an hour a way from the office (by light rail and walking) my little Beau (aka Bo-Bo) is home alone a lot more. Well, he does have the company of my sweet cat, Aria, however, he chases her more than he plays with her.

So, Beau has gradually gotten more frustrated with my 5 day a week long absences from home (11 hours!) and started to entertain himself with destroying numerous pillows which was followed by my couch. Ack! I eventually created a barricade of sorts, so the couch has survived (although I had to do some repairs...thank goodness I can kinda sew). However, Beau is still a bit bored. The Kong Time is supposed to help that issue. Here is the official description of what it does:

"KongTime automatically dispenses food-filled Kong toys while you are away. KongTime entertains your dog and gives your dog something to look forward to. We call it Doggie Day Care in a Box; don’t be surprised if your dog starts handing you your briefcase in the morning."


And a video to show you how it works: CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

Brilliant idea, right? So, I finally decide I will dish out the $150 for the thing and low and behold...it's been discontinued! Yes, they no longer make it! So begins my search. Every online outlet that had them in stock is suddenly out of them --like there was a mad rush to buy them once they stopped making them. Next stop: Ebay. I bid on one and, blast! I was outbid! Now I can't seem to find one anywhere. What to do? Any ideas? Help! I guess I will have to figure out another solution in the meantime. I *do* plan on moving back downtown after my lease is up...however, that is not until January.

Blah.

Natural Solutions

So last week I saw my shrink and we discussed transitioning off my anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds. As most people who know me know, I have been dealing with my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and depression for a good chunk of my life. Meds have been a huge help, but the reality is, in my opinion, that medicine like this tend to mask the symptoms so you never really heal from what you are suffering from.

I have been diligent with seeing a great therapist for years now and have had some major breakthroughs and have healed a lot. However, when you are biologically prone to depression and anxiety, it seems to make sense to stay on some kind of support (medicine).

Luckily, my doctor is a holistic psychiatrist and stresses using natural options and less prescription drugs. That said, I am going to start taking EMPower Plus, which is a strong complex of vitamins, amino acids, etc. that has been shown to work as well as if not better than some medications. And, most importantly, it supports the body in a natural way meaning no side effects. It was initially created by a family who had several members suffering from Bi-Polar Disorder. They didn't want to go on prescription drugs (like Lithium, which is commonly prescribed for that disorder) so they researched what natural options were out there for treating the disorder.

Long story short, they created this complex (EMPowerplus) and since it worked so well for them, they began marketing it to others. It's been studied a ton at this point, and although marketed and made specifically for Bi-Polar disorder; it has been found to be profoundly helpful for depression and even anxiety.

So I will be gradually weaning off my Cymbalta and onto EMPower Plus. I'm really happy about it actually--I am all about natural products.

Anyway,I wanted to post this up on my blog because I know some people who read this may have friends, family members who suffer from depression or anxiety. And, maybe, they will know there are alternatives to regular prescription drugs. On that note, I also use a blue-light that simulates sunlight's POSITIVE affects that has helped me during winter months. I use it just 60 minutes a day at my desk at work and it's been great. Boosts your mood and everything. Also, fish oil is a huge helper with boosting your mood--take it daily and buy quailty products--not the cheap stuff on sale. I use Ultimate Omega by Nordic Naturals.

Okay, that's it. Have a great weekend!

Reflections

So I came across this cool (well, I think it's cool) idea on a website---they are affirmations written backwards on shirts so that when you look in the mirror you read your affirmation---and bonus, the shirts look cool and since no one can read them but you (unless they can read backwards and upside down) you don't look like an idiot with stupid affirmations on your shirt.. ha ha.

Anyway, this is the website: reflectmylife.com


Here are some of the shirts I liked:



Can you read what they say? One says, "I believe in myself" & the other says, ""I am so grateful for all that I have"

Now, here is the thing with affirmations--if you don't believe them, they don't work. So some think that if you say them enough you will eventually believe it so repeating them is good. Others think you should reword them in such a way that you automatically believe them. So instead of saying, "I am wealthy" you say, "I am in the process of becoming wealthy"--the second phrase is a lot more believable.

I've also been listening to some CD's about attracting what you want into your life. I think you have to take some of this stuff with a grain of salt, because not everyone has all the answers, but there is a lot of good info out there. Essentially, if you are feeling bad or negative you should "pivot" your thoughts to something that makes you feel good. Whatever you are feeling is what you are attracting so the goal is to feel good (or at least not bad). It has helped me as my thoughts have really changed lately. It's certainly a process, but one worth testing out.

Oh, and I always think it's good to count your blessings. In Catholism if you do a
Novena for something (Novena is traditionally 9 days of prayers towards a certain goal, typically to a saint (NOT as worship, but as a help to be "on your side" to God to bring about what you are praying for)--after the nine days you have to post what you prayed for and give thanks to the saint you asked to help you--now people post the praise online. I have done lots of reserach on different religions as you can see, anyway, I digress.

My point is, I think it is important to give gratitude. One spiritual teacher of mine told me the key to manifesting what you want is to meditate on all you have and how great that makes you feel then say to the Universe, "Okay, I want more of that feeling"

Anyway, interesting persepctives. So in light of giving gratitude...here is another list of my gratitude.

1. Being healthy in body and spirit and mind

2. Attending one of the best universities in the country! (Harvard of the West as they say ;)) Go Pioneers!

3. I am so grateful for my animals. Aria and Beau are real joys in my life...always. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing.

4. Knowledge--I am so blessed to have gained so much knowledge from teachers and others in my life...

5. A great job--again, so blessed for this.

6. And as always, I am so grateful for my friends and family.


Lots lots more, of course, but really, no need to publish all of them at once. ;-)

Until next time...be good, be well.